Chapter 12 – I Want My Daddy
Workbook – Pondering Questions
Textbook: Created2Produce – Your Turning Point to Destiny by By Dr. Cassandra Scott
Please read the Chapter first and then answer the questions. Post your answers below by the requested due date. Feel free to reply to comments posted by your BYB co-partners and share your thoughts.
What was your childhood like?
Patricia Grimes Jones On August 30, 2021 at 11:18 pm
What was your childhood like?
Tore up and very disappointing because I was what you called the black sheep of the family and it seemed like everybody expected the best out of and that I could do or make any mistake or you swear that I had committed a murder or something. I went through turmoil and disappointments after disappointments. So when I, did you think that I committed the worst sin ever that anyone could ever make in life?
Tera Alexander On August 26, 2021 at 4:21 pm
My Childhood to me was Amazing in my eyes. I was the baby of 4 children that my parents had 2 girls and 2 boys. I was an unexpected pregnancy I was informed years later. My siblings were quite a few years old then me. My oldest brother and I were 18 years apart (mom had him when she graduated), next oldest brother was 9 years apart and my sister and I are 8 years apart a huge gap. I was Blessed to have my grandmother (mom’s mom) named Grace play with my friends all the time she would jump doubledutch with us, play cards and house, etc..The only negative or bad experience in my childhood was being watched by a family member and was sexually abused. I have forgave the family member but not forgotten. Then on top of that my neighbor who I went to school with forced hisself into my house while I was home alone and molested me. These males were both very strong so I could not stop or fight them back not enough strength. These secrets I will take to my grave – my mom was the only that knew about the neighbor but not the family member. I have always had that fear that no one would ever believe my story. That is when I found food to be my comfort. We went to church every Sunday, sang on the choir, attended Sunday school, youth group and etc.. grew up Baptist need I say anymore. Such restricted laws and etc..I was going and doing the motions so different now. I know GOD was always with me. The other part of my childhood I was always the chubby girl and got teased some: There was this mean kid who would say “Hey Koolaid” that really hurt my feelings but I never let them see me sweat. I would always tell myself all they can say is I am fat. I am cute, dress nice and out going. People woud always say Tera, you have such a cute face, if you would just loose some weight, you dress really nice and you’re confident there is nothing I wouldn’t try. I ddin’t care also taking the family vacations to Viriginia beccause my dad’s mom would always so mean and strict. She would call me fat and tell me I need to loose weight I am too pretty. What I feel that I was missing in my childhood is my sister I didn’t have a relationship with her she was 8 yeards old and it seems as thought I was in the way of her. She was not nice to me, nor did she take me any places only with my brothers. This bothered me because my friends had sisters who would do stuff with them. I always wondered how it would be to tallk with my sister, know what she like.
I can recall so well that I didn’t like when my sister hould have to do my hair she was so rough. All the family members starting noiticing as we got older. When she got her car it was like she didn’t want to take me any where in her car because I was chubby she would come up with excuse or when she did take me it was quiet.
My parents loved us all equally. I wish I could have experienced that with her growing up. God Blessed me with a Best Friend that was my college roommate that has had similar
I Iived with my parents until I got married. My dad died before I got married . I was the only one he didn’t get to see get married or have a child, Thank GOD my mother got to be with me for 50 years of my life. I went every where with my parents I enjoyed hanging out with them . I tolok them to their Dr. Appointments and everythinng. I loved my parents my entire family. I love when we woiuld visit family (despite my dad’s mom) . I was the one who would bring the family together and plan all the outings.
Tera Alexander On August 26, 2021 at 10:26 am
My childhood to me was Amazing I thought! I was the baby of 4 children my parents had. I never knew what it was like to struggle because everything I asked for they made it happen.
Lola Norris On August 16, 2021 at 6:34 pm
My childhood was a bit complicated.
At the age I believe maybe 4 my mom and dad separated and later divorced.
I was a daddy’s girl as a matter of a fact I was his only biologically daughter at that time, even though my dad saw us equal as his own.
At about 4 to 5 yrs of age we moved to Houston Tx. with my mom and my step father whom loved me as his own.
Myself and my 3 other brothers would travel to see my dad on Holidays and Summer times, Lord I couldn’t wait for those times, those was the times I became a princess, when I was with my dad, because at my moms we had to share rooms, hand me downs, ( my nice calls it recycling) the only one gotten new clothes and shoes was my oldest Sister and Brother until I got with dad.
When I got with my dad, he would take us shopping to Sear and Roebuck, L&L Shoe store and another store called Kaye Willons or something like that, dad would say get what you want Lue Jean, that’s what he called me, I would be so happy being with dad, me and my brothers shopping, I believe my dad only whopped me 2 times in my entire childhood and you know when they say it’s going to hurt me more then you, I truly believe it hurt my dad more then those few pops he gave me, yes he had me spoiled baby couldn’t no body talk against my dad it bothered me when my moma said something but that was moma who did not play (atall) at all?.
After shopping at those stores on the way home we stop by Safeway get whatever we wanted, we get to the house bathe in those little foot tubs, (Lord have mercy) eat and watch cowboy movies with dad.
I enjoy going and spend time with dad but I hated going to my moms mom she was absolutely unequivocally mean to me and my brother’s.
I remember one time we visited dad, we had to go see her, my grandmother sent me into this old 1957 Chevy Blue and white car to get some chicken eggs out as much as I didn’t want to go I had to go, as I, slowly approaching the car because I was afraid, it could have a chicken snakes in the car, I had replayed those stories in my head what they use to tell us as kids, I’m 9years old and afraid, she say get your fast butt over there and get those eggs out that car, before I whop your butt.
I go get the eggs I saw and as I was coming out of the car unbeknown unto me there was a yellow jacket beehive in the roof of the car, those bees stung me everywhere my face was swollen and my nose was so big it was on the other side of my face, I came out scream and hollering, my brother came running to see what was wrong, my grandmother looked at me and told me to go back and get the rest of those eggs out of that car, my brother grabbed me and we ran to my Aunts house and they called my dad I had started having an asthma attack my aunt and brothers was saying breathe slower, I remember my dad flying in that blk truck, my dad picked me up and said I got you baby, it’s OK daddy got you, im here Lue Jean, I wasn’t afraid anymore , I was so happy to see my dad, even though he was so angry, he just keep say you are going to be OK daddy got you, he took me to Mother Francis Hospital in Palestine Texas. Lord if I was spoiled by him before? I miss my dad so much. (I did start to truly love my granny until I gotten grown, as I write this I maybe the reason why, she was so mean to us was my grandfather abused her and maybe she didn’t know how to love.)
My childhood ended at the age 14 yrs of age when I meet this 19yr old guy who hung around my older siblings and my cousin. I always thought he was ugly, until he started flirting with me, tell me I was cute and had a pretty shape. I started feeling myself I suppose. I had some friends who I started hanging around skipping school then one day I see him at their house and he just a smiling telling me I’m cute and sexy, I’m just a smiling now I’m skipping school regularly trying to hang out with the crew and see him. So as the approach got deeper I found myself at the age 14 losing my virginity to a 19 year old guy.
Some how mom found out I had been skipping school and when I got home she had the belt ready, she let me get in and ask me where I’ve been hanging out at skipping school, didn’t get a chance to even lie, she went in with that belt and said you better stop hanging with those little fast girls before you come up pregnant, me I’m probably already pregnant Lord knows my mom would have knocked my head off getting smart but she stopped whopping me and made me go to the room.
The next day I grabbed some clothes and called myself running away, but low and behold my mom found out her and my aunt they had the police to call me out that house, I came out and the made me get in that car. The next day mom took me to Memorial Hospital on Belfort and yes you guessed it I was pregnant.
We got home mom ask who is the father so I didn’t answer right away she was hurting know I was pregnant I saw the hurt it made me sad, I told her she immediately wanted to press charges on him, I said moma I’m going to tell them he didn’t in love so I thought.
My mom call his house and he denied it and said that’s not his baby, I was hurt deeply but I said you right it’s mines a couple weeks later he comes apologizing to everybody, I was happy and should have stayed away, 6yrs later 4 children until I decided I was tried of fighting in fear because he wanted to control me, I moved away after 6yrs.
So my childhood ended at 14yrs of age.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Carmen Hebert On August 15, 2021 at 10:29 am
What was your childhood like?
Even though there were things that took place that absolutely should not have (allowed by parents), my childhood were very structured, calm, and easy-going. I did not realize it then, but I can look back and see that when my parents realized that things were not right, they made adjustment to shift. But the changes were shifts in their marital life; they allowed the things going on in the life of their children to remain the same. They were the type that lived the life before you and you got subtle hints along the way to make necessary adjustments in your own life. But I was the one closet to their walk with God. My sister began a few years afterwards. My brother just acknowledged his thoughts and feeling, when he and his wife lived with me for 2 months when their house was being sold. He has begun the process of having a relationship with God and ocassionally talk to me about how Holy Spirit convicts him and he will go to church with his wife.
I can look back over my life and see that God was there all of the time.
After reaching adulthood I can remember my father talking to me all of the time. He would wake up early in the morning and I found myself sitting with him as he listened to gospel music, drank coffee, and enjoyed his morning. I even sat with him watching the Astros. He claimed that he did not like (but I think that he was a closet fan). My mother was a seamstress, so there were many times I found myself with daddy (because you did not mess with her when she was sewing. She was a perfectionist and did not want her concentration broken.) He would always impart wisdom, practical as well a spiritual. If I was doing things that he deemed wrong, improper, or not of God, he would lead in… “Now Cookie!”. (Cookie is my nickname since infancy.) Otherwise, he would just talk positive at all times. When he was upset, you know it, because he was always positive.
My mother was a quiet spirit, she carried herself in an angelic manner. Everyone loved and adored her. If she made a mistake, hurt your feelings, or made you mad, she would not apologize. After we reached adulthood and her grandchildren became adolescents and teens, she begin cooking Sunday dinner, every Sunday, without fail. So if you were one that one of the above things happened to, you can best believe that whatever your favorite dish or meal was, it was going to be “the” menu or “on the menu” the following Sunday. And somehow, it was known that it was for you and that it was her way of apologizing and saying “I love you!”. She was the one that was there for any and all of her family; her mother, father, siblings, children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, church family, longtime friends, and whomever happened to ask for help. Of her 8 siblings, she was there with and for all of them throughout their illnesses, for years, months, weeks, days, hours, down to their last breath; near and far. She was the oldest girl and was mama to them all. Her oldest brother and youngest sister were the only two to survive her. Her older brother, age 98, just passed January 2021. She died in 2006.
I grew up with a second mom; Aunt Lois, my father’s sister-in-love. Her mother and step father were also very much a part of my life. They lived on the same street that she live on. I lived with Aunt Lois until age 7, so I was at Madea’s house daily. Now Aunt Lois is the one that did not bite her tongue to tell me about “thus said the Lord”. Madea was the one that coached me on speaking correctly, manners and ettiquite. When I think of mamas praying, it is Aunt Lois and Madea that I heard, praying a prayer or singing it. I just knew that my birth mother was praying. Aunt Lois had the most beautiful soprano voice. I use to bang on the piano in her living room and she sit in the chair next to the piano and sang, completely in tune, as if I was actually playing (key phrase being “bang on the piano”)! She once told me that if my husband did not act right that she was going to walk to my house. I asked where was her car going to be? She said that the car would be too slow!!! Enough said! I was age 17 when Madea passed and age 46 when Aunt Lois passed.
To me, my mother and father, and Aunt Lois and all of the mentors in my early days, could do ANYTHING!!! They could always make hurts feel better, make wrongs right (or at least feel better with their words) and make whatever you were going through, to remind you that it was in God’s strength and with His grace and mercy, that you could endure. Hmmm… but it has taken this long for me to embrace that concept “fully”. Today, I talk to my daddy, my earthly father, and all of them; letting them know that I now rely on my Heavenly Father, confirming to them that what was instilled in me, that I am in the process of that reliance, until the day I die.
Lisa Weatherspoon On August 15, 2021 at 9:13 am
As for as I can remember, I had a normal childhood. However, I remember my dad being there but not being there because he was either at work in the day and in the streets at night. Although my parents loved me, I don’t recall them saying it very much. I was the 4th of 5 children, the baby for 5 yrs before the arrival of my little sister. I remember feeling out shadowed by her, all the attention, compliments and time went to her. That even seemed to be the case as we got older. I remember playing in the streets with my little sister and my friends and my older cousin, Sandra would come over, say how cute my little sister was and would take her home with her, leaving me in the streets playing with my friends. I often wondered why she didn’t take me with them. You would think this wouldn’t have bothered, that i should have been used to it since my little sister got all the compliments, even when we were dressed alike (in which my mom did often). Even in the church, she got all the compliments. I remember being about 10 or 11 and we both sang solo’s; after her solo, she got applauses, what appeared to be standing ovations and I got keep the faith baby (lol). I laugh now because I now know singing was not one of my gifts. Although I can hold a note, just not solo material (lol). It spilled out even in my teenage years. My sister matured faster than me physically (shape, breast you name it [coke bottle physic ]), and me a stick. I was skinny when skinny wasn’t popular. I see this as the beginning of the lows in my life as an adult. The low self-esteem, the doubt, the comparison spirit, the woman driven by challenges. My daddy used to call me “His Little Black and Proud or His Little Black Mare.” Oh how it used to make me smile, laugh and feel loved when I was a little tot; but as I grew older and started junior high school and all the nick names started piling on (skinnu, bones, rubber legs, knocked-kneed, etc.) I guess I let them ring louder than the voice of my dad who was gone in the night.
Tera Alexander On August 26, 2021 at 4:27 pm
Lisa, I guess that was how my sister felt about me. She even made a comment that she was glad to have mom for 8 years by herself before I came along. She knew mom needed to be with me and that she wished she would have had all the memories I have with her. My sister and I have love for each other this day but there is alot not fully connected. I thought that it would change before my mom died – I still love her as well as she loves me. I enjoyed reading what you shared about your life growing up.
Gloria Johnson On August 14, 2021 at 6:59 pm
The death of my father separated my parents. However, 21 years of my father’s 43 years of life was spent in the military (Army Corps of Engineers, mostly traveling). He was in the military before they were married and before any of us (4) were borne. He was medically retired after 21 years of service, I was about 14. Shortly after my 16th birthday he passed.
Victoria Caldwell On August 12, 2021 at 9:44 am
I lost my mother in a car accident along with my 4 year old sister when I was 8. I was adopted soon after into my older sisters paternal family. I missed my mother, I missed what was my normal life with my 2 sisters. I missed my family, my grandmother and my aunts and uncles that I was forbidden to visit. I missed my room, my home and my life. I searched for my mom as a kid hoping one day she would come get me as she always did. I could not grasp death at this age. It left a big whole in me until God healed me and embraced me as his daughter. He nurtured me and filled me with his unlimited love. When I was young, I was a “Mama’s Girl” today I’m a “Daddy’s Girl”. He’s my forever father.
Patricia Grimes Jones On August 30, 2021 at 11:07 pm
Victoria I can relate to the accident of your mother and sister. Because when my father died and I realized that my brother which was like a father unto me was going to prison life was very different and I had no one to care for me as my brother did and then, one day he came back into my life and made everything seemed like it was a nightmare but hears the catch I was grown already to treat me like a was still that 6-13-year-old kid and I had my own two children and thirteen grandchildren and he was trying still baby me. “But I want to be treated like a adult Women and sister.